Let the Water and Ceremonies Wash Away Our Pain

Held in Grandma’s Circle of Loving Protection

In the chapter called “Where the Stories Came From,” I, the author, describe my young life with my Grandma. First, I want everyone to know, I felt safe and loved when I was with her. Because I, as a teen, didn’t want to cause Grandma any stress, I tried to stay out of trouble. But, even when I made mistakes, Grandma forgave me. As a result, I often worried about who would care for Grandma if I were ever sent to a group home?

In the novel, I call the teenager Mary.

Speaking for the Voiceless (MMIWG), Calling Spirits to Witness

Even though Grandma was a feminist, she talked with a soft heart about a serious problem in Vancouver and other parts of Canada; this trouble was and is the Missing and Murdered Women and Girls (MMIWG). This is where criminals have harmed, and in many cases murdered, Indigenous women and girls. In particular, we discussed violent crimes in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. For example, I refer to the case of monstrous murderers and, in particular, the serial murderer we simply call “pig farmer”. Because his actions were so horrible, I struggle to understand how anyone can forgive such crimes. Women and girls still face constant violence and we; you and I are witnesses.

Harm to One Is Harm to All

Grandma guides Mary toward forgiveness as she encourages Mary to look beyond stereotypes and recognize that all people are connected through the “circle of life”; “…Sometimes, I have to remind myself of [Grandma’s] wise suggestion.” ^{1 https://ritajasperart.com/category/mary-and-her-metis-grandma/} In other words, when someone hurts another person, they also harm themselves. Therefore, Grandma and her friends continue to call for justice, change and actively speak out about the many unsolved murders of women in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. ^{2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJb0DvY6CXc}

Humming in the Dark, Healing in the Heat

In this chapter, Magdalena’s First Sweat, Grandma and Mary take Magdalena, a homeless person, to a “sweat”. ^{3 https://www.strongnations.com/gs/show.php?gs=4&gsd=3914} Mary and Grandma were trying to help Magdalena heal and look forward to getting her children back from foster care. Magdalena is hard of hearing and asks Mary to speak her prayers.


First, Mary prays and asks people to understand that anger often comes from deep hurt. Then she asks for help, letting go of guilt and frustration. Mary feels bad about being angry at her mother for passing away. At the same time, Magdalena feels unjust anger at herself for losing her children.
 Both pray for the strength to forgive themselves and those who have hurt them. Throughout the ceremony, all sing and hum together. It should be noted that each Elder’s ceremony is unique to them.

Tears and Letting Go

Mary, the teen, talks in Mary and her Metis Grandma:
“It surprised me, and it might seem absurd, but it felt good to cry. I remember Grandma Pearl telling me between her little sobs, ‘Crying is a sacred water ceremony’. You need to be able to cry to release all kinds of poisons. We can heal through crying. We should not be ashamed or apologetic when we cry because it is a sacred ceremony.” …

Lo and behold, a little while later, Ducky, Granny’s pet, passed. We put him in a child’s toy boat and put him on a lake to float away.

The Spirits Carry What We Release

Mary says in the novel: “…I think I was unconsciously trying to deal with my anger. I felt like there was anger from one of the participants in the sweat, who probably thought, What does this white bimbo know about forgiveness or pain? What the fuck does she have to forgive? But maybe I was just being paranoid.”
 At the end, the facilitator asks everyone to pray for themselves. After that, the group shares gratitude for everything in their lives. The sweat ceremony helps them heal.

Kisewatisiwin: The Sacred Teaching of Loving-Kindness and More

Around 2014, I filmed the documentary Moon Water at Trout Lake, where Lisa Yellow-Quill led a Water Ceremony; this wasd after the Women’s March. During her speech, she explained that although women endure suffering, they hold sacred roles and responsibilities. This, as all ceremonies, must be conducted in loving-kindness. In particular, she described women as life-givers who carry amniotic fluid. This pre-birth fluid is the same as the rivers, lakes, oceans, rain, snow, mist, and tears are to Mother Earth.

I’m really happy that you came and that you are here to support me. And to stand up for Mother Earth and for that lifeblood that flows through her. And all the women that we are going to be walking for.”

Unifying Ceremony

Kelly White and Lisa Yellowquill talk about the importance of unifying. ^{4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8-km0ZaCHs}

Kelly talks about how when she came back from working for the United Nations and how she “…found her sisters body parts on the ground.” That time was very dificult because of “…brutal race battle relations that we are still going through… … my abition is to capture the spirit of unity and honour and create that essence to deliver so that everyone can pick up a drum [regardless of race or culture] … …so my part was to create an Assembly of Nations for each others. …” Kelly then talks about her part in starting the Feb 14th Memorial March.

Lisa says: “The direction is here. The direction is that this is a unifying ceremony. It’s a woman’s ceremony, and it’s about bringing us all together. It’s also why we’re carrying those buckets; they say it’s about why we are carrying those tears. We are carrying those tears of those women [MMIWG]. We will carry that water, and we will demonstrate that way [of life], and I think that what that is about, also for us women, is about, like, demonstrating a way of governance that is related to the land.“

Land, Governance and Women’s role

Because our government’s way is contrary to this land. It [colonizers’ laws] came from another place… ^{5 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8-km0ZaCHs} And so, it is artificial, and it’s not working here, and it is hurting us. And it is hurting the land, and so this way demonstrates our relationship to the land and a way of governing and women’s role in that governance and our responsibility.”

Cree Word for Water

Nipiy is the Cree word for water. It names the life-giving spirit that nurtures us in the womb. Then, as our mothers’ waters break, water brings us into the world. Therefore, we can return to any water ceremony at any time to seek healing, renewal, and balance in our well-being (mind, body, spirit).

…Ksay-wat-so-win continued — different scene

In this chapter, Grandma teaches an important lesson. ⁶ First, she explains that the word “kisewatisiwin” translates to “kindness” in English. However, she says that the English word does not fully explain its meaning. Instead, kisewatisiwin means living in a respectful, good way.

Furthermore, Grandma explains that this teaching calls people to practice humility, pray often, and show loving-kindness to all living things. For this reason, she smudges every day. Through these daily actions, she believes people learn how to forgive and live in balance.

Grandma was talking about living in true relationships with All Beings. Side note: almost all the Indigenous cultures I have been introduced to believe that even rocks are sanctioned beings. This is balance.

Forgiveness as Returning to Balance

September is always a rough month for her because that is when her mother dies. Immediately, after turning the calendar page, old memories and painful feelings rush back. 


In the book, Mary said, “I was Alice in Wonderland, where everything around me was giant-sized, including the oversized [nurse’s] shoes. Then came the question, “How would I feel if I were somehow complicit in the death of a mother, leaving children to fend for themselves?” 
Because of this realization, Mary chose to forgive the nurses as individuals. However, she still felt angry at the world.
Nature helped Mary deal with death. ^{7 https://youtu.be/wrgUwRqBm9k?si=P008QK8_FMePG2hY}

Breath Returning to the Heart

Then, something changed. “…after I forgave the nurses, I was able to breathe. I have since learned that is where our ‘heart chakra’ is. When I was able to forgive, I thought to myself, Wow! What an amazing feeling to be able to breathe deeply!” The forgiveness happened quickly, even though Mary had carried hate for many years.

In the wake of this powerful moment, Mary felt as if she had escaped from a poisonous jail of agony. “After this epiphany of forgiveness, it felt as though I was released from a dark prison of horrors whose walls were made of slithery-shifting pain.”

Releasing Blame Into the Light

The next day, she continued to practice forgiveness. Step by step, she brought her hidden pain into the light. 

From the novel, Mary says: “It was as if a cage had been unlocked from which I scrambled or crawled and dragged the tortured pieces of my spirit into the light. Secrets live in the dark. Out of the darkness. Into the light. All joyous life, spiritual and physical, is energized by bright, illuminating light.” 

Mary faced her wounded inner child instead of pushing it away. “We all carry pain. I could no longer ignore my shadow [of pain].” Although the memories shocked her, they also helped her forgive herself and others. In the end, forgiveness gave her a sense of freedom, healing, and peace.

#MetisStories #WaterCeremony #SweatLodge #HealingWithNature #LandBasedHealing #HealingThroughTears #StoriesThatHeal #MMIWG #EarthWisdom

1. Jasper, R. (2026, February 22). Mary and her Metis Grandma Archives – Rita Jasper Art of Life. Rita Jasper Art of Life. https://ritajasperart.com/category/mary-and-her-metis-grandma/ ↩︎
2. Jasper, R. (Producer, Direct, Editor, Director of Photography) (2013) Rita Jasper. (2024, June 12). MMIWG Moon Water Episode 1 Chapter 5 [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJb0DvY6CXc ↩︎
3. Sweat is an Indigenous ceremony.
   What is the proper etiquette for Sweat Lodge ceremonies?
   Strong Nations Book Store & Saskatchewan Indian Cultural Centre. (n.d.). What is the proper etiquette for sweat lodge ceremonies? Saskatchewan Indian Cultural Centre. Retrieved February 26, 2026 from https://www.strongnations.com/gs/show.php?gs=4&gsd=3914 ↩︎
4. Episode 3 Chapter 10 Unity & Ceremony Retrieved August 12, 2025 YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8-km0ZaCHs ↩︎
5. Rita Jasper. (2024c, July 21). MMIWG Moon Water Episode 3 Chapter 10 Unity & Ceremony [Video]. Retrieved August 12, 2025 YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8-km0ZaCHs ↩︎
6. Lightbourn, D., Paul, E., Pasula, S., Mustus, C.,…Strattkotter, R., (2018/19). Stories from the Kohkoms: Circle Teachings Calendar
   Timeline Section 1885 ↩︎
7. Reading in video format from Mary and her Metis Grandma Chapter 1 https://youtu.be/wrgUwRqBm9k?si=P008QK8_FMePG2hY ↩︎